18: saturday 04:05||5:55pm

velvet eden

goddamn... my fucking shoulder hurts -_-* maybe its the tension or something, i dunno, but i really havent done anything all day except play video games, sleep, and sit my ass on the computer... yeah, my ideal weekend for once... whatever.

been depressed. probably be going to san fransisco next weekend... i dunno. lately i've been wanting to murder the world in general... and to have to go sit on a bus with 40 people for 3 hours next weekend without phillip there at least... no way in hell. besides, theres a 99% chance he's not even going to want to look at me by then... i gave him a second letter, worse than the first one... people have been trying to convince me i haven't fucked it up, but i'm not at all convinced... especially now...

gotta headache... maybe its just time to give up...

17: saturday 03:29||9:40pm

hikari no willpower? *pan!pan*

yeah... dont ask whats up with that title -_-* i was thinking of the song "hikari no willpower" from DBGT that me and my cousin used to listen to continuously... but yeah... i guess sometimes things can come out somewhat ideal. it went on the next day as though little had happened, if not nothing at all. he looked at me first thing in the morning... and the look wasn't at all disgusted, so i felt great ^_^ and i wasnt too depressed about it after that. as a matter of fact, i played it off the rest of the day as though i was completely happy o.O;;

damn, but now i have a blister on my thumb from playing Guilty Gear X2 too long... it looks weird o.o;; Fruits Basket turned out to be an *amazing* series, and the last two episodes were so sad... but things lightened up by the end, so i was alright -_-* and since i finished writing the second chapter of my Kingdom Hearts fic [yomitai?], i get to start up on a Fruits Basket one ^_^ if i can come up with any valid ideas, that is...

ah, whatever.

16: thursday 03:27||6:25pm

no regrets...

-CENSORED- more explicit head trauma -_-* too detailed for public distribution -/CENSORED-

i hate this.

-CENSORED- .... -/CENSORED-

15: wednesday 03:26||9:55am

so... how 'bout that yaoi?

got a page up with all my quiz results, and i think i'm actually going to publish my website today ^_^ finally-- it's been at least 3 months since ive had my site even touched. saw alvin's site. and i thought mine was barely functioning o.O;; oh well.

hmm.... watching Requiem et Reminiscence... Gackt is on the floor crying -_-* haha... so dramatic. though i can promise that if i had his talents, and was on a stage at my own concert performing to my own music... yeah. i'd be twitching and crying and going all dramatic too. with shitloads of pyrotechnics going off in the background ^_^ i can completely imagine it... one hell of a stage presence that would make nearly no sense what so ever.

[survey stolen from appleholic.]

went and censored some of my old entries, liturally ^_^ no one needs to know the extent of my teenage trivialities. maybe i am too damned angsty and dramatic for my own good -_-*

just ordered 27 episodes of Fruits Basket ^_^!! can't wait for it to come in, that series is so awesome. but something i just remembered that i'm currently stuck on o.O;; maybe i shouldn't contemplate it too much, but Kaoru-chan says i'm starting to look like Kumi Koda in her music video, Real Emotion... -_-* alright, Yuna i can vaguely understand, and even more so because i've been told that i resemble her from more than one person. but her voice actor...? i dont get it. maybe its because my hair color...? blah. forget about it.

14: monday 03:24||7:57pm

peanut butter and jerri.

wai, brennan's so kawaii ^_^ i'm gonna regret saying that cause he's one of the first i'm sending to this website. i'm sure he's gonna hate me forever after reading even half of this crap cause i'm such a damn mental case... whatever. aint my problem.

would say that i'm giving up on phillip, but last time i said that about a certain someone it ended up being a sad little lie o.O;; its amazing how people could set themselves up, land hard on their ass, say they'd never do it again but five minutes later, they are -_-* im a perfect example of this. oh well, if im gonna get hurt anyway might as well make it self inflicted.

anime recommendation to anyone who just might give a damn-- fruits basket. AWESOME anime, love it intently and i can't wait to see the rest of the series ^_^ its kinda fucked up, tho... if it weren't for the anger management i've slowly obtained over the years, and the influence my frequent over exposure to anime has permenantly had on me, i swear i'd be Kyo. everything from constantly needing to insult and condemn to the inferiority complex. its almost scary how much i found myself relating. whatever, i sound like a dumbass.

13: monday 03:10||6:14pm

kore wa suki ja nai.

-CENSORED- blah blah psychological head trama crap no one needs to know -/CENSORED-

well. it's nice to know when you've been replaced.

-CENSORED- basically, enrique sucks, but no one needs to know the details ^_~ -/CENSORED-

12: saturday 03:08||8:21am

untitled.

still contemplating this shit. think im being too self-centered about it or something. its hard to see it any other way, though. maybe i just dont understand shit. maybe i really am just fucked up. maybe im the one whos wrong. or maybe im right. i dont know. if theres anything that i know for sure, though, is this is gonna take a hella long time for me to get over... and its always gonna hurt like hell. just another bad experience. another bad dream to add to the rest.

"he wants to be with you. that's obvious." i honestly dont see how. "mindy. you can't tell me that you still dont get it. your the only person who doesnt see it." cause everyone else is seeing it from the outside. "you want me to tell you? fine. he's been trying for you all along, but all you've done is push him away." because i knew this was going to happen. "you dont look so good." fuck you. "whats wrong?" your whats wrong, asshole...

"i just want you to be happy."


... you know what would make me happy?! if all of this shit would just disappear.

11: friday 03:07||6:28pm

death to...

-CENSORED- thats it. the worlds goin to hell. -/CENSORED-

-CENSORED- more apathy... i wanna cookie o.O;; -/CENSORED-

i dont want to be fucked with anymore.

dont know what the hells going on anymore, i wish on everything that matters to me that i did. every fucking tear burns when you cant hold it back.


and id be damned to hell before i take anymore bullshit from you.

10: sunday 03:02||9:41am

wandering cowboy

aiight so maybe i'm too hard on puberty boy -.- obviously he *did* end up showing up, and it turned out to be alot of fun ^_^; or at least in my opinion. lessee... we played twisted metal black, marvel vs. capcom2, tekken 4, and DDRKonamix all damned day. and did some other stuff, but yeah. i think i'm supposed to be working on a term paper right now. and watching hellsing, practicing more DDR, playing twisted metal black and wild arms 3, watching the rest of .hack//SIGN, drawing a manga, writing 2 fanfics, cleaning out (and fixing) my binder, working on my website and doing my geometry homework... so much shit to do, and no intention to do any of it ^_^* and people wonder why i'm failing school...

09: saturday 03:01||1:37pm

i'm think in love with another Squall Leonhart...

once again, i am gonna murder puberty boy. the fucker got all jazzed and shit, saying he was gonna come over and crap, and where is he? not here. again. last time he showed up 3 hours late, cause the dumbass was getting me a christmas present... aiight, so that was a pleasant little surprise ^_^ but shit man, what's he doing now?! buying my fuckin birthday present?! crap i hear someone getting outta their car out front, i'm gonna laugh my ass off if its him.. yup ^_^*